


A Legendary Legend

by KB9VCN



Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Slice of Life, The hunted become the hunters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27321337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Published 31-Oct-2020; horror?/humor; about 1600 words.For the31_days"You still are the most beautiful scenery in my life" prompt.Happy Halloween!This contains recursive zombie shenanigans.  Reader discretion is advised.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	A Legendary Legend

**Author's Note:**

> Published 31-Oct-2020; horror?/humor; about 1600 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/) "[You still are the most beautiful scenery in my life](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3617034.html)" prompt.
> 
> Happy Halloween!
> 
> This contains recursive zombie shenanigans. Reader discretion is advised.

Franchouchou was relaxing in the sitting room late one autumn evening.

"It's a relief to be able to relax for awhile," Sakura said to the others.

"Rrugh," Tae agreed.

As if on cue, Kotaro walked into the room, wearing an antique British uniform and safari helmet, and carrying an oversized butterfly net.

"Never mind," Sakura said sadly.

"What's with the cosplay?" Saki asked Kotaro. "Ain't you too old for trick-or-treating?"

Kotaro shushed her. "Be very very quiet," he said dramatically. "I'm hunting zombies."

Ai rolled her eyes. "Ha ha, very funny," she grumbled.

"No, seriously," Kotaro said. "I'm going to go hunt zombies."

Ai stared at him dumbly. She suddenly pointed at herself, as if to point out the zombie in the room. And then, she stood up and gestured to the others, as if to point out the OTHER zombies in the room.

"Yes, I AM aware," Kotaro said impatiently. "I'm hunting OTHER zombies!"

"Dude!" said Saki. "You already have SEVEN! Ain't that ENOUGH already?"

"I don't WANT any more zombies, you dumb-ass!!" Kotaro yelled.

"Then WHY are you HUNTING ZOMBIES, you dumb-ass!?" Saki yelled.

"Because I DON'T want any more zombies, you dumb-ass!!" Kotaro yelled.

Sakura held her poor head. "This is making less and less sense," she whimpered.

"I'll explain it so that even a dumb-ass zombie can understand it," Kotaro said. "There's a local legend that claims the dead will rise again under a full harvest moon, when a chill wind blows and the mists rise, as the crow flies and as the flies crow, yadda yadda yadda."

"So?" Ai said. "This is rural Japan. Every tree has a legend and every rock has a history. And like Saki said, you're already sufficiently equipped with undead. Why do you care about this local legend?"

"Because I won't have ANOTHER regional zombie idol group working their way into MY territory and stealing MY market share!" Kotaro said indignantly. "I'M the Saga necromancer! ME! NOT THEM!! ME!!"

Ai face-palmed. "The STUPID, it BURNS," she sighed.

"Speaking of the stupid," Kotaro said. "I don't want all seven of you stomping around and scaring away my prey, but I could use some help with the hunt. Do I have any volunteers?"

"Rrugh," Tae volunteered.

"That's 'zero'," Kotaro said. "How about you, Miss Leader?"

To everyone's surprise, Saki didn't reject Kotaro outright. "Actually, it kinda sounds like fun," she said thoughtfully. "I miss rolling with my gang and raising hell from dusk til dawn. But on the other hand, if YOU want me to do something, that's usually a good reason NOT to do it."

"Would you do it for a [Saki Snack](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scooby_Snacks)?" Kotaro said enticingly.

Saki's eyes widened. "You don't mean!..."

"Post-hunt Drive-In Tori is on me," Kotaro declared.

"AWW YISS!" Saki said. "Saki Nikaido is on the hunt!"

She turned to Sakura. "Yer gonna come too, aintcha?" she asked her rap-battle partner eagerly.

"I was looking forward to a quiet peaceful evening full of NOT being scared halfway to ANOTHER death," Sakura protested.

"Aw, c'mon," Saki said. "If you don't come, I'll be stuck with a brainless idiot I can't even talk to... and Tae."

"...that was actually a pretty good insult," Kotaro admitted. "In fact, I ain't even mad."

"Well, alright," Sakura said with a smile. "Friendship and teamwork is important, even for another pointless waste of time."

"Anyone else up for hunting undead monsters?" Kotaro asked as he turned to the remaining members of Franchouchou.

They didn't answer. Junko was clinging to Ai in mind-numbing fear, and Lily was clinging to Yugiri in heart-throbbing terror.

"I'll take that as a 'no'," Kotaro said. "Go Team Zombie Hunter!! GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!!"

"GO TEAM DRIVE-IN TORI!!" Saki added.

"RRUGH!!" Tae agreed.

"Yay?" said Sakura.

—

Kotaro pulled his van up to a quiet open area at the edge of the city. Tae bounded out of the van like a dog playing in a park, and then Kotaro and Saki dragged Sakura out of the van.

"Smell that fresh night air!" Kotaro said as he locked the van. "Doesn't it make you feel ALIVE?"

"Not particularly," poor Sakura whimpered. "Why did we have to come to the city cemetery?"

"I'm not allowed near the city morgue because of, uh, reasons," Kotaro said, "and the city cemetery is the only other large supply of dead bodies in the immediate vicinity. One has to go 'where the money is'."

"If there ARE other zombies here," Sakura asked, "do you think they would eat OUR flesh?"

"It depends," Kotaro said, "on whether they're fussy eaters."

"And whether they like 'eggs'," Saki said smugly.

Sakura gulped. "Saki? Please hold my hand?"

"Yeah, alright," Saki said. "But reattach it to your arm first."

Kotaro suddenly yanked both Sakura and Saki down behind a large gravestone. "OI!!" Saki yelled. "What's the big MMMPH!!"

Kotaro hand-gagged her. "Boy in blue at eleven o'clock," he whispered.

A flashlight beam swept past them, and then a certain annoying policeman called out. "Oi oi!" he said. "Are ya trespassing on city property after hours? Do ya wanna get arrested? 'Cause I'll arrest you!..."

"One should respect and obey local law enforcement," Kotaro grumbled, "but that guy REALLY gets on my nerves."

"* _mmmph_ *," a hand-gagged Saki agreed.

Kotaro turned to look at her, turned back to look at Sakura, did the math in his head, and grimaced. "I forgot about Tae!!" he hissed. "Where is she?"

As if on cue, they heard a bloodcurdling scream. Kotaro released Saki and Sakura as they stood up, and they found Tae watching the policeman run away and back into the city.

"Tae- _chan_?" Sakura said. "Your head is on backwards, sweetie."

"Rrugh," Tae said as she casually twisted her head back into place.

"Well, that's a relief," Sakura said as she turned to Kotaro and Saki. "Now that he's gone, I guess we're alone again."

Saki tapped her shoulder and pointed behind her. 

Sakura gulped, turned around, and found three girls in long red coats staring at her and her party.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Maria Amabuki, the eighth boss of Dorami.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Sakura.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Migikawa, one of the other two members of Dorami.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Sakura.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Sayama, the only other remaining member of Dorami.

"What are you three idiots doing here!?" asked Saki, the first kamikaze squad leader of Dorami.

"Do you know something about the zombies?" asked Kotaro, who had nothing to do with Dorami.

"Rrugh?" asked Tae, who also had nothing to do with Dorami, but had shambled up behind them.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Maria.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Sakura.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Migikawa.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Sakura.

"EEEEEEEE!!" said Sayama.

"Knock it off, wouldya?" Saki growled. "Yer givin' me a headache."

"It's the ZOMBIE!!" Maria cried. "We FOUND her!!"

Sakura blinked. "Wait, what?"

"There were rumors of a zombie running amuck, and we HAD to investigate," Migikawa said.

"We had to," Sayama added, "because some girl at school DOUBLE-DOG dared Maria- _sama_."

"Hush, you two," Maria grumbled.

"Why do you think SHE'S the zombie?" Sakura asked carefully so as not to give away Tae's true identity.

"The rumor said she wore stripey clothing," Maria said, "and she had dark hair with dog-ears on both sides and one long lock in her face."

Saki turned on Kotaro. "So YOU thought there was a ZOMBIE HORDE," she yelled, "an' it was only TAE sneakin' out and runnin' around!?"

"I only said it was a local legend," Kotaro sniffed. "I never said that it was a GOOD local legend."

"We have met the zombie," Sakura said solemnly, "[and she is us](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Walt_Kelly#Pogo)."

"Rrugh," Tae agreed.

—

The group of zombies and/or zombie-hunters had adjouned to Drive-In Tori for a well-earned early breakfast. Saki had insisted on inviting the last three members of Doremi, despite her earlier assessment of them as idiots, and despite Kotaro's complaints at having to treat twice as many girls.

"You know why we were hunting zombies," Maria said to Kotaro, "but why were you hunting zombies? You're just a part-time idol-group manager, aren't you?"

"I felt it was my duty to the city and the prefecture," Kotaro lied.

"Don't let him fool ya," Saki said. "He just has too much free time on his hands."

Maria turned to Tae. "Is that also why you've been sneaking out and running around?"

"Rrugh!!" Tae explained. "Rugh ugh ugh grugh ugh! Ugh rugh ugh ugh grugh rugh ugh! Ugh grugh ugh! Grugh! Ugh ugh ugh! Rugh rugh grugh rugh rugh ugh ugh ugh! Grugh ugh rugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh! Rrugh! Grugh! Rrugh! Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh! GRUGH!!"

"I didn't quite understand that," Maria admitted.

"Don't worry about the details," Kotaro said. "Just remember the important lesson you've learned tonight— THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES."

Sakura and Saki both choked on their food in perfect unison. "Pardon," Sakura said nervously.

And then, a haggard man in a worn suit staggered past their table. His eyes were dull and lifeless and his skin was pale.

"Say," Saki said. "You don't suppose he was a zombie, do ya?"

"No," Kotaro said, "but I fear he was a lost soul nonetheless. In fact, I fear he bears a curse greater than any zombie."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

"HE WORKS AT A REGULAR JOB," Kotaro said.

"That IS a fate worse than death," Saki the delinquent said with a shudder.

"You should be grateful," Kotaro said to Sakura and Saki, "that I saw fit to embark upon a career in entertainment!"

"Every major company in Japan should also be grateful," Sakura said dryly.

"Do you always talk back to your manager like that?" Maria asked Sakura.

"You have no idea," Sakura said.

"Rrugh," Tae added.


End file.
